Random Facts – Part II

I love reading the About Me/Random Facts posts on blogs therefore I figure everyone else does. So enjoy, or else.

1) I’ve never had coffee from Starbucks. Please don’t leave the page! Sorry. I understand that is shocking. How does someone go 27 years without venturing into the mecca of all beverage places? Not sure. But I only drink black coffee.. so I can’t imagine they have much for me to see.

2) I just tried frozen yogurt for the first time last month.
(AND IT TASTES NOTHING LIKE YOGURT! What kind of wizardry is that?!

3) One of my AIM screen names used to be PleasureKitten86……….
I saw the name on a Hot Topic book bag patch. It was black pleather with red cursive stitching. I was completely ignorant. But popular with the cyber creepers!

4) One time I yelled so loud in my mom’s house that the dining room lights turned on – lights that were previously “broken” and hadn’t worked in years. I scared my little brother to death. To this day everyone jokes about it, but secretly I know they’re terrified. As am I. We’ll just keep blaming it on faulty wiring…

5) I took two years of Spanish in high school and can’t speak a word of it.

6) I collect dirt. Yes.. like dirt from the ground. Paco and I never went on a vacation together until the Summer of 2012. So when we decided to drive to Colorado from Pennsylvania (he drove all the way there and back because I can’t drive standard..) I thought it would be cool to stop and collect dirt from each state we passed through. I planned on displaying the different layers of dirt in a large vase-type-thing to show how many states we went through and the different colors of the dirt. I did the same thing on our drive down to Florida last summer. And all the dirt is currently in little zip-lock bags in my coat closet… I still haven’t found vases for this said “vase project” #slacker

Sincerely and Sarcastically,


Listed Tuesday

Monday Morning Pep Talk – Calm and Happy

Well well well. Here we are. Another Monday morning. And even though I hate to sound like 99.9% of the population – Monday’s are the worst.

This morning I woke up in a pretty decent mood, despite the fact that it is now pitch black outside when my alarm clock blares to rouse me from my slumber at 5:30 am.

Well actually, I never “slumber,” I don’t think I sleep ever. #insomnia

But that is neither here nor there. Once I was awake, I told myself “Self, let’s have a good day. No negativity. No complaining. We are going to be calm and happy, ALL day.”

It was a nice thought. Even put a smile on a tired face.

I rolled out of bed, walked to the bathroom and was about to jump in the shower when the dog started barking uncontrollably.

I slipped and almost broke my neck in the shower because she startled me.

“Calm and happy” lasted all of 1 minute today. (New personal record!!!)

Call me crazy, but I don’t particularly like starting my morning off with a heart attack or near death experience. What was the dog barking at? No idea. Probably her shadow.

After that, I told myself “Self! Starting NOW.. We are going to be calm and happy.”

Everything was going okay until I was walking out the door and realized my white shirt had a glittery make up bronzer face smear on the front of it.

Fantastic. I was running late so I just had to deal with it. I remembered I had some gaudy chunky necklaces tangled in the bottom of my purse. “Great, I’ll put those on at work to hide the stains. Problem solved!!”

So once again, I had a talk with myself. “Self! CALM… happy….”

After getting stuck behind a parade of school busses, Sunday drivers and tractor-trailers I made it to the highway. I was zooming along and then I see…..

a traffic jam.

“SELF!! Just get through today.. ALL you have to do is get through the day.. without killing someone.”

Easy enough? I hope so. (But I haven’t started untangling those necklaces yet.. that might be the breaking point.)

 Sincerely and Sarcastically,


Random Facts

1) I suffer from empathy. I truly worry about everyone and their feelings constantly. Even people that I don’t know. It is so overwhelming.

2) I used to be obsessed with obnoxious ring tones.

-Lil Mama – Lip Gloss.. Used that for a solid 6 months.


-Fergie – London Bridge.. Duh. Musical genius that needed to be played every time my phone made a sound.


3) I realize I should’ve went into education. I was not a fan of school and even struggled sometimes so I think I would be able to connect to students with similar issues.

4) I can do splits. I have an award for “Awesome Split!” from my cheerleading days. Resume worthy?

5) I obsess about food. Like obsess about not eating certain things. I don’t drink soda. Because its unhealthy? No, I dont want the wasted calories or the full bloated feeling from diet soda.

6) I sing songs to my cat and dog.. love songs. Itty Bitty’s song is currently You Are My Sunshine by Ray Charles and Bailey’s song is Happy Together by The Turtles.

7) I think I actually have a deviated septum. Ya know that thing girls use as an excuse for a nose job? Yeah, I think I have it. I cannot breathe out of my nose, at all. I have to make a conscious effort to do so. My voice is terribly nasally too. However, I do have a large nose so if I ever got it fixed I’m afraid people would assume that’s the reason.

8) I have awful road rage. I’d be afraid for someone to be in the car with me on my commute to and from work because I’m scary.

9) I absolutely hate the marshmallows in Lucky Charm cereal. 

10) I eat peanut butter out of the jar with a fork. Why? Because it just feels right. 
Sincerely and Sarcastically,


Things That Make Me Stabby – Copied

I’ve seen this post on a couple other blogs and they had me laughing hysterically (I just had to google how to spell that because Blogger kept telling me to spell it with an “A” – that made me stabby before I even started). If you wrote a post about this, please comment so I can reference your page!

Update!!!: I remember where I saw a post like this: The Other Juliette’s blog.. SO funny. Please go read it.

Truthfully it doesn’t take much to get on my nerves… and sometimes these things are little nothings and other times they seem so big and problematic that they make me question the entire workings of the universe. Here’s a few:

annoyed, modern family, stabby

1 – Spelling hysterically in Blogger. Blogger wanted me to spell it “Hystarically”.. BLOGGER, NO, FAIL

2 – The girl who has her wedding planned who isn’t even dating. Sorry not sorry – grow up.

3 – Speaking of weddings.. WHY DO THEY COST MORE THAN A HOUSE?!

4 – When you’re scrolling through Facebook and the app freezes and you have to GO BACK and find where you left off………

5 – Read # 4 and replace “Facebook” with “Twitter”

6 – When you jump in the shower and forget to grab a towel.

7 – When you go to the grocery store for chicken and they are out of chicken. All the chicken gone. ZERO PIECES OF CHICKEN ANYTHING.  #smalltownproblems

8 – When I’m stopped at a red light or stop sign behind a line of cars and I inch up a little and the car behind me follows and inches up too. GET OFF ME.

9 – How Subway 6 inch subs cost just as much as the $5 foot long. Seriously my 6inch Turkey and American  cheese sub costs $4.25+tax when a foot long is $5. HOW?! I’m not some fancy math-scientist (obviously) but that doesn’t make sense to me. Sure I could get the foot long but I don’t want that much fake processed meat.

10 – How the tiniest, minuscule shaving cut on your leg bleeds more than a gunshot wound.

What makes you stabby?

Sincerely and Sarcastically,


THE VAULT: Trends I Can’t Pull Off – Part 1

Over the past year or so of blogging on and off I have accumulated several blog posts that I wrote and love. I reverted them all back to drafts recently when I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with this space. I decided to bring some of those posts back in a weekly segment called The Vault. So if you’ve already seen these – feel free to ignore. If not, please enjoy!

 Sincerely & Sarcastically,


the vault sincerely and sarcastically

THE VAULT: Trends I Can’t Pull Off – Part I

This morning as I was getting ready for work and styling my hair I tried to part my hair/side bangs straight down the middle. And it was atrocious. I just don’t look good with my hair styled certain ways which got me to thinking of other trends/things I can’t pull off. 
Middle Hair Part.
I have tried this 100’s of times and I cannot pull it off. I look awful. Everyone else looks stunning and classy when their hair is styled in a chic middle part. It makes my face look long, odd shaped and just scary. Like this:

side part, middle part, hair, cher movie
Skinny jeans.
I have a problem fitting in jeans – no matter what style, shape or brand. They are either too long in the legs, too tight around the waist, too baggy in the butt, etc. I have always struggled to find jeans so when this skinny trend hit I nearly cried. I do not own a pair of jeans that I am 100% happy wearing. BRING BACK PARIS BLUE BELL BOTTOM FLARE JEANS!

And on the topic of skinny pants… Leggings.
I think I’m just too self conscious to have tight/nearly see through pants on. I have a couple pairs of black leggings but I’ve never worn them anywhere but to my mom’s house. On a Sunday. At night. When it was dark. And I was drunk..
BECAUSE I can’t find skinny jeans or leggings to tuck them into. UGH.

When I wear a tank, with a chunky knit sweater, and a chevron scarf with 14 thousand and fifty bracelets I look like I gained 45 lbs and like I’m trying WAY to hard to be trendy. It doesn’t look natural. Or trendy.

friends joey layering

I have to admit I was in love with a few CW shows (Gossip Girl) back in the day I watched some other awful teen shows too. However.. this show. I just. Can’t. I tried. I reallllly tried to watch this show and like it. After seeing so much hype about the show I rented the first season on Netflix (yes, I am the only person in America to still receive the DVD’s vs streaming) and I watched a few episodes. But I just feel.. old? I don’t know. It’s a high school show and I feel creepy watching it.

Pretty Little Liars, Trendy
Pumpkin Spiced Latte’s have obviously taken over the world. I’ve had 1 my entire life and it was and it was pretty awful. I felt like I was drinking a glass of potpourri.
Trendy, PSL, Pumpkin Spice Latte

I am the world’s WORST selfie picture taker. Don’t believe me?
selfie, trends

Arm candy.
I can’t function with 50 things on my wrist. How the hell do all of you? I love the look of it but I don’t think I’m cool enough to do it. I feel like this..

trends, arm candy, bracelets
Will eventually lead to this..

trends, arm brace
I really need to incorporate healthy food options into my life but the idea of drinking cold, green mush sounds as fun as visiting the dentist and gyno in the same day. I bought a Ninja a few months back with the intentions to try to use it for something other than margaritas (HA!) and I haven’t been brave enough to try it because all I can think of is…
smoothies, trends, slime, nickelodeon
I’m hoping some of these trends fade quickly because I just can’t keep up.