I Never Learned: Vegetables, Fractions or Toilet Paper

Nadine at East & wrote a blog post about things she “doesn’t know” which got me thinking about things that I don’t know or never learned either. Go check out her list here!

It is hard for me to believe that I am actually only 2 years away from being 30 (!!!!!!!I’m not ready!!!!!!.) I don’t feel mature enough and I still do or say things from time to time that even makes me shake my head at myself. Like when I backed into a tree on Easter. I feel like I am missing a few years in between 18 – 28 because there are still so many things that I never learned how to do.

  • Fractions. I couldn’t finish a 3rd grade fraction homework sheet if my life depended on it.
  • Taxes/checkbook balancing/retirement/stocks/savings terms. I think there should be a mandatory class in high school for every student that teaches them normal day to day things you’ll need to know as an adult.
  • How to start a fresh roll of toilet paper without massacring it. I ruin half of the roll during this process.
  • How to find the perfect shade of foundation. Cool, warm, neutral undertones? I have NO idea. I’m strawberry blonde with dark eyes, pale skin and blueish veins – there is no makeup shade that matches my skin.
  • Wedding etiquette. Did I miss the memo sent to all little girls regarding wedding planning? There are so many rules, tips, expectations, ETC that my head is spinning..
  • A foreign language. In high school I took 2 years of Spanish and can’t speak a word.
  • How to shave my legs without cutting them. It’s a blood bath every time I shave.
  • How to change a tire. I really have no desire to ever change a tire.
  • Posture. I am the slouchiest person that has ever slouched.
  • To like vegetables. Growing up my mom always served vegetables at the dinner table and I never touched them. It hasn’t been until recently that I started to eat these foods. I still don’t like them, but I realize I need to be healthier. (I typed that as I was ate a piece of chocolate, how fitting.) 
  • Laundry terms. Are all women supposed to know how to properly wash knits, cottons and wools? Was this taught in Home Ec. class?
  • How to use power tools.
  • How to buy and or hang curtains. Seriously, I wish I could attend a class on this because I’m clueless.
  • Brew the perfect cup of coffee.
  • Not overcook chicken, beef or fish. No matter how many times I google the proper way to cook these things, I always overcook them.
  • How to only have “a couple drinks.” It’s either all or none.

What are some “things” you’ve never learned?


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      Climb into Bed and Get to Know Me.

      Erin wrote a fantastic post here about blogging and how it has changed so much in the past couple years. Her words hit a note with me since I have felt so underwhelmed with the blog world lately. When I first started reading blogs I was drawn to certain bloggers because they were relatable. I have always been fascinated with other peoples life’s and have always loved to read biography’s and autobiography’s which is why I think lifestyle blogs appealed to me in the first place. Reading other blogs is what made me ultimately want to start mine own too. But over the past year or so I have lost all interest in the majority of these blogs. They are no longer relatable. I love that Erin brought this up because now I realize I’m not the only one that feels like this – just go read the comments on her post. I have struggled to write posts in the past year because I have felt no one wants to see my boring little life in words on a computer screen. But apparently, some do. This is a lifestyle blog after all.. so welcome to my life.
      Name. Nancy Elizabeth
      Location. Pennsylvania
      Work. Marketing assistant for an engineering firm in So. Tier, NY.
      Hobbies. I guess blogging.. when I actually do it. Or seeing how many pieces of NY sharp cheese I can shove in my face hole.
      Favorite Food. Obviously pizza, but I think everyone likes pizza. Unless they are terrorists.
      What Do I Order at the Bar? Depends on the bar… and my mood. So it can range from a margarita to a Miller Lite bottle to a vodka soda with lime. Or if I feel like having a hang over the next day I always reach for Fire Ball.
      Favorite Beauty Products. My favorite products have been revolving quite a bit lately but I mentioned some favorites here.
      Bed Time & Wake Up Time: Sunday through Thursday I try to be in bed by 10:30 – 11 p.m. at the latest so I’m not a complete bitch the next morning. On the weekends I typically don’t go to bed until 12 – 1 a.m. Monday through Friday I wake up at 5:45 a.m. and head out the door by 6:45 a.m. for work. On the weekends I try to sleep in so sometimes I’m not awake until 10 a.m.
      Weird Habits. I have to climb into bed the same way every night or else I think something bad will happen. I don’t know what that “bad” thing is.. but I’m not willing to chance it.
      Odd Foods You Like. Tuna fish out of the can? I don’t think most people like that, right?
      Dream Job. Working from home – doesn’t matter what kind of work. I want to work in sweat pants and watch day time TV and Ellen. I miss day time tv.. mostly Ellen. Or I’d like to work with kids or animals. Maybe I can find something that allows to me to do all three?
      Favorite Karaoke Song. I would rather be trampled to death by gorillas than sing in public.
      Irrational Fears. Spiders. I cannot stand those evil little monsters. And clowns. Fucking clowns.
      Favorite Perfume. Light Blue by Dolce and Gabanna.
      Talent Show Performance. I think I’m talentless? I could probably teach myself a song on the guitar if need be.
      Favorite thing to do on your iPhone. Watch YouTube beauty bloggers. I am in love with Jaclyn Hill, LustreLux and Manny Mua.
      Unwind at the end of the day. This depends on the type of day I’ve had.. but lately I try to unwind with some sort of exercise. All winter I did workout DVD’s but in the spring and summer I go for long walks with my dog. I have to force myself to work out so when I get home from work I change into workout clothes as soon as I walk in the door.
      Pet Peeves. If I can hear you chewing, slurping or smacking your gum in your moth, I am secretly praying you choke.
      Vacation Plans. I just went to St. Thomas in February so my vacationing is done for the year unless I win the lotto sometime soon.
      Dinner Tonight. No idea. But I’m assuming whatever it is will involve wine because.. wine not?
      Go Back in Time and Change Something. I used to be one of those people that always thought “everything happens for a reason” but in recent years I’ve been a bit skeptical of that. Probably because the Negative Nancy rears her ugly head more often than not. Not to get too deep or anything but I would probably go back to the weekend my dad had his stroke – I always look back and wish I had forced him to go see a doctor because maybe he would still be here. But that’s another story for another day.
      Favorite Disney Princess. Belle from Beauty and Beast.
      I’ve Never. Had a massage.
      Favorite candy. I love it all. Every kind. Even black licorice jelly beans. And especially Easter Candy.
      Ice cream stand order. Hot fudge sundae topped with nuts and a cherry.
      Worst trait. I hold grudges forever.
      Best trait. I’m caring.
      Height. 5’4″
      Favorite accessory. I love scarves and purses.
      Last time you cried. Yesterday. Just out of frustration though.
      Favorite sports team. I don’t follow any sports..

      I love to share random tidbits, hope you enjoy!

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      Things I’m Great At..

      I am not a cocky or arrogant person. I like to think I have a realistic understanding of my abilities as well as my flaws which I think is essential for a persons self confidence. Confidence does not come as second nature to everyone and it’s a trait that needs to be exercised so it can reach its full potential. So today I wanted to talk about some things that I am confident even to say that I am great at:

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      • Picking out the WORST smelling hairspray. I don’t know how I do it but I have this uncanny ability to pick out the worst hairspray ever. I have about 5-6 full bottles of the stuff because the fragrance is awful or the formula is terrible and I’d rather pull on a skunk’s tail than spritz the stuff on my head.
      • Biting my nails. Even if I paint them and put on a coat of the “No-Bite” bad tasting clear coat – I will still gnaw on my nails like a wild animal.
      • Remaining calm. This pertains to all aspects of life. I’m a little tightly wound, to put it lightly.
      • Remembering anything. I have the world’s worst memory. What did I eat for lunch yesterday? No clue. The name of the movie I watched last weekend? Beats me.
      • Ignoring text messages. This just comes natural to me. I will read your message but more often than not I will forget to respond to it.
      • Being a sloppy eater. I always manage to get whatever food I am eating all over me. On my shirt, pants, purse, ears, underwear, you name it. I’m worse than your toddler with spaghetti.
      • Losing my cell phone. If I had a dollar for every time I “lost” my cell phone in my purse, the refrigerator or my bra I’d have enough money to buy a brand new iPhone every month.
      • Overcooking chicken. If you want blackened, rubbery chicken I’m the lady to call for your next barbeque.
      • Road rage. I won’t go into detail because I don’t need incriminating evidence on the internet.
      • Bitching about dog hair. Just ask my fiancé, I am a pro.
      • Burning myself with a flat iron and/or curling iron.
      • Swearing in front of children.
      • Writing sarcastic posts about things I’m “great at” instead of finishing other blog posts in my draft folder.

      What are you “great” at?

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        Currently Coveting..

        My typical “uniform” on weekdays includes black work pants, a blouse and a cardigan. I’ve been doing this for the past few years so to say that I am bored to death with this look is an understatement. I try to dress it up with a necklace or scarf but I’ve been feeling uninspired. So, I went window shopping online and found some things I’d love to add to my closet.

        Here are some items I’m currently coveting..

        !function(doc,s,id){ var e, p; if(!doc.getElementById(id)) { e = doc.createElement(s); e.id = id; p = ‘//shopsensewidget.shopstyle.com/widget-script.js’; var cb = new Date().getTime(); p += ‘?cb=’ + cb; e.src = p; doc.body.appendChild(e); } if(typeof window.ss_shopsense === ‘object’){ if(doc.readyState === ‘complete’){ window.ss_shopsense.init(); } } }(document, ‘script’, ‘shopsensewidget-script’);

        Blu Bijoux Gold and Coral Flower Large Bib Necklace • Blu Bijoux • $22
        A cheap but fun necklace to brighten up an outfit.

        Nine West Jelica • Nine West • $39.99–44.99
        I love wedge sandals.  They are so much easier to walk in than regular heels and look great with jeans, skirts, and dresses.

        FELICITY & COCO Crepe Shift Dress (Nordstrom Exclusive) (Regular & Petite) • Nordstrom • $88
        A shift dress that can be worn to work or out on the weekend.

        Kate Spade New York ‘cedar Street – Maise’ Satchel • Kate Spade • $298
        No need to explain this one.. how great is this bag?

        Neiman Marcus Floral-Lace Pencil Skirt, White/Multi • Neiman Marcus • $62.30
        I love pencil skirts. I think they are flattering on every figure and for some reason dudes love them.

        Ray-Ban Light Ray Mirrored Aviator Sunglasses • Ray-Ban • $220
        I want a pair of mirrored aviators so badly but I’m afraid I’ll look like an idiot in them. Plus, I can’t justify spending $220 on a pair of sunglasses right now..

        What items are you currently coveting?

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        The Easter Candy Case

        I have an immense sweet tooth which I’ve talked about here before. I like pretty much all candy, even circus peanuts and black licorice jelly beans. I try to limit my sugar intake but when Holiday’s seem to revolve around candy and sweets I have a hard time passing the candy dish without digging my paws into it. But that is not the point of today’s post. Today we talking about something more serious. I’ve had a little over a week to think about this and I’ve come to the certain conclusion that…


        I’m pretty shocked that I feel this way since Halloween is my favorite holiday but I have developed a compelling case that I think you’d be interested in.

        Exhibit 1) Cute bunny/chicken/duck shaped chocolate. There is nothing more satisfying that biting the head off of a chocolate peanut better filled bunny. Nothing.

        Exhibit 2) Jelly beans. They come in an amazing variety of flavors today, unlike the boring basics that I had growing up. Even if you don’t like jelly beans.. you have to like Easter Jelly Beans. Especially the Starburst ones.

        Exhibit 3) Russell Stover chocolate covered eggs. These babies come in every flavor combination imaginable – coconut and almond, dark chocolate marshmallow, WEDDING CAKE, strawberry cream, raspberry whip, red velvet, etc. The possibilities are endless and worth every delicious calorie.

        Exhibit 4) Candy for breakfast. I have fond memories of running downstairs to my Easter basket and shoveling handfuls of candy into my mouth before my parents woke up. Whereas for Halloween the proper time to start trick or treating isn’t until after dinner… pure torture.

        Exhibit 5) Easter candy is bigger. Halloween candy is typically sold in those annoying “fun size” dimensions therefore you need to eat about 2 1/2 bags of the mini Kit Kat Bars to get your candy fix.

        Exhibit 6) Gertrude Hawk EASTER smidgens are little nuggets of heaven laced with crack. They are more addicting than any other kind of Gertrude Hawk candy. Sure, those $1 caramel candy bars from your co-worker’s daughters class trip fundraiser are okay but wouldn’t you rather just have a box of pastel bunny smidgens instead? The answer is yes.

        Exhibit 7) Easter candy is more colorful. The bright spring colors and flowery packaging makes the candy more inviting and delicious. And I firmly believe that white chocolate has less fat and calories than regular chocolate. Don’t fight me on this.

        And last but not least..

        Exhibit 8) A magical mythical bunny delivers candy to your house on Easter Sunday. For Halloween you have to GO out and GET the candy whereas for Easter all you have to do is wake up and stumble to your Easter basket. I don’t care if it’s the fucking Donnie Darko bunny coming to my house – if he is dropping off candy he is always welcome.

        P.S. Don’t overindulge in Easter candy because the sugar rush you experience might cause you to back your car into a tree. Not that I’d know from experience or anything..

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