Things That (You Forgot) Suck

Twizzlers. This whole post was inspired by Twizzlers.

I love all candy, remember? Well, the other day I was craving some sweets, so I strolled over to the vending machine area at work, and perused the selection. For some reason I chose Twizzlers and the second I bit into the first piece I said to myself “Yup, that was a bad decision.”

Halfway through the package of candy (obviously, I had to finish the package to make sure they really sucked) I started to think of other things that suck that I forget they suck until I’m experience the sucky thing. You follow? If not, let me explain. Other examples include:

The Dentist. Sure, everyone knows the Dentist isn’t fun but a couple days before the appointment you just give in to the fact that you have to go and tell yourself it won’t be that bad. But the moment you sit in that plastic covered chair and have another person’s fingers jammed in your mouth hole trying to carry on a conversation you remember how bad these Dentist appointments actually are.

The Gyno. Just replace jammed fingers in your mouth hole with jammed fingers in your…. wait. Nevermind.

Jean Shopping. I try to avoid this at all costs. I would rather go bathing suit shopping than jean shopping because I can never find anything that fits correctly. I have 1 pair that currently fits “okay” and I will wear them until they a) no longer fit or b) rip. I’m always optimistic when I decide to go shopping by telling myself that those 3 squats I did the night before will make all the difference but the moment I slip my foot into the first leg hole I instantly remember why I avoid shopping for jeans.

Math. Go ahead. Try to do some super abstract algebra or geometry problem (I always hated how teachers called math examples math “problems.” Yeah, no shit. This is a giant problem because math is awful.) I honestly have no idea how I got through math classes without drugs. Thank God my college had a “History of Math” class that counted for math credits.

Stubbing your toe. I would rather give birth to an adult hippo than stub my toe.

Hangovers. I think we can all relate to this one, right? I have had my fair share of hangovers and while I never intend to drink that much (that’s a lie) sometimes when the mood is right you can’t help yourself. One moment you’re sipping a Miller Lite bottle and then the next thing you know you’re taking shots of Fireball and accepting drinks from strangers at the bar. It’s fun at the time so you don’t stop to think about the consequences you surely will experience the next day. However, when your head is laying on a dirty toilet seat the next morning you are reminded why drinking sucks. Until the next night when you do it again. It’s a never ending cycle. (Or is that just me?)

If you’ve never had a hangover, just drink margaritas from pint glasses.
It’s the quickest way to get a hangover.

Biting into that mystery nubby piece of “chicken” at McDonalds. You know what I’m talking about, right? That weird lumpy cartilage piece of chicken? If not, congratulations. I have bitten into that mystery chicken piece on more than 1 occasion and it has ruined my whole day. In fact, it has ruined McDonalds for me forever since I can’t remember the last time I ate at a McDonalds.

Snow. Just kidding. I never forget how much snow sucks. Remember?

The day after Christmas. What.. a.. let.. down. Enough said.

Or better yet, working the day before Thanksgiving. Like myself, today. I’m one of the only few people in the office, and I have a feeling today is going to drag on.

So now, in the true spirit of Thanksgiving.. what are some other things that suck?

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4 thoughts on “Things That (You Forgot) Suck

  1. Sooo many of these things are spot.on. Couldn't agree more especially about math and the day after Christmas like ugh, wtf. & I so know what you mean about the McDonald's chicken nuggets! I've absolutely bitten into that gray chewy shit piece before too. Although like you, for some unknown reasons, it didn't ruin me on McDonald's. I'm an idiot.


  2. Yes to all of these! Especially stubbing your toe. You know what else sucks? When you're about to sneeze and someone say \”bless you\” and you loose your sneeze! This may be me, but I want to punch these people for trying to be so polite.


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