Why (I think) Pets and Kids Are Similar

I’ve always grown up with pets. Dogs, cats, hamsters, Guinea pig, parakeet, fish – you know the usual. I love pets and I think I’ll always have a pet in my home because to me – they truly make a house feel more like home (and because they are fluffy!!!”)
Paco and I wanted a dog for a couple years before we got Bailey. Well, when I say we I mean when he went Christmas shopping by himself one day and brought home a tiny baby Border Collie, SURPRISE! (This is why he can’t go shopping alone anymore- impulse buyer.)

Before that, I talked about dogs constantly. I looked up pets at our local animal shelter. I researched breeders all over NEPA / NY. And also browsed through newspapers for puppies. But I always managed to talk ourselves off that ledge with “we don’t have time, or money, or that level of maturity to be responsible of another living things life..”  You know, the usual.
But now that we have her, I can’t imagine life without her. Sure, it was cleaner and quieter.. but it also was boring. Is that how parents feel about their children?
Now, I’ve never had a child. So I can’t speak 100 % accurately on the topic, but from what I’ve gathered in personal observations over the past few years is that..
Pets and Kids both need a lot of f’ing attention.

10 Ways Pets and Kids Are Similar

1) Food. They need to eat all the time?! Really? My god. Where does all the food go?
2) Ohh.. yeah.. that’s right. 10x a day bathroom trips. (At least you can diaper a kid.. taking the dog out in the middle of a snowy/icy February night so she can walk around and find the perfect place to pee is friggen brutal.)
3) They destroy your house. Plain and simple. Dirty, grimy little baby/puppy paws on everything. Stained and smelly clothes, couchs, and carpet.  They clutter your house with toys, beds, clothes, shampoo, cleaning products, etc.
4) Speaking of messes: DIRT. It’s everywhere. Every nook and cranny they can shove it in. You will be alarmed at the rate in which dirt can accumulate RIGHT after cleaning.
5) They play hard. My dog can go for a 3 mile power walk with me, play Frisbee with Paco for 2 hours and then run around the house and still have energy. I see my friends toddlers running around and it exhausts me just watching them. The amount of endless energy they both have is frightening.
6) They crash even harder. After hours of playing they crash hard like a bride-to-be after her Vegas Bachelorette party. They don’t care if its at the most in-opportune time either. They are out cold. And nothing can wake them – not even the smell of freshly popped popcorn.
7) Tantrums. Ripping up a box of cereal or tissues – why? Because they can and because they are pissed and they need you to know it.
8) Crate? Crib? SAME THING

9) Barking and Crying. They both bark /cry for NO apparent reason.

10) TEETHING. Have you ever had a teething puppy or baby bite down on your finger? OUCH.

Any other similarities that I’ve missed?


Sincerely and Sarcastically,


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